Saturday, October 3, 2009

Another Tale To Tell

Jesus I knew I'd be shite at keeping this blog alive!

Anyway I haven't been up to much... that's my usual response when someone I don't either know or even like asks me how I'm doing. You're getting no details out of me so you can go. Go away now! I'm talking about the imaginary people I have formed who I don't know or like, not you dear reader.

Ok its taking me a little longer than normal to write this as I seem to have a case of the shakes. From the cold.


So last night I went out. (Yes this is how its going to begin!)

Ok so its my own fault for even attempting to wear shoes with more than an inch high heel. In fairness though I thought it was doable! They had a platform on the ball of the foot for fuck sake! So it looked like a four inch heel, when really, in reality it was only 2 or 3 inches. I'm ok with that. Or so I thought...

So what happened was I dragged Grace to the Phantom Friday night. I fooled myself that John(I am changing names here so to protect my privacy and pride) would be up for a little shameless flirting and maybe a quick wear but no, the man now has a girlfriend and wouldn't even say hi. Right. That has done a lot for the ego. Especially after the whole Paul (another name change) and the whole 'Oh I now happen to be now dating one of the branch managers that you speak to on a daily basis right in front of your face and I'm pretending to be apologetic about it' incident, lets just say it knocked me when I didn't need any more knocking. Know what I mean? So I drank to compensate, as you do. :D

So basically that ended in disaster. I remember going up to talk to John at some stage to say I was high tailing it out of there and he nodded and smiled and pretended to pay attention. I'm glad I never removed the word 'asshole' from the front of his name in my phone.

So we left and got in a taxi to Whelans.

This 'incident' happened as a result of three mistakes on my part.

I put back on my plastic tastic shoes in the taxi and actually managed to convince myself that I was going to be able to walk in them. Yeah. First mistake.

We got out of the taxi early because the traffic was mental. Second mistake.

Enter the crossroads at Wexford St.

Que changing traffic lights.

Que me making the decision to go for it. Third mistake.

*shuffle shuffle shuffle* Go Chrisso! You can make it! (My internal monologue) Go Chrisso!!!!!!!!


Apparently my feet has an objection to moving in a coordinated fashion to cross the fucking road because all of a sudden I find myself face down on the ground, right smack bam in the middle of a busy intersection mind, with my feet dangling in the air behind me.

Right in front of stopped traffic!!!

To say I'm mortified beyond belief is an understatement! Although I'm thinking about it and I can't stop fucking laughing about it because it was THAT bad! I actually properly skulled myself!

Now I have two wonderful bruises on my already battered legs. I have named them Barry and Bob. They are going to be hanging around for a while so I said I'd welcome them along to the disaster zone that is my body and make them feel that extra bit welcome by assigning them names. I wouldn't mind but they happened to appear on an artery so they are really sore!

Jesus I need a go of a soapy sponge.

So anyway, I'm lying there in the middle of the road and Grace, who made it across, lucky bitch, can't even LOOK at me! She physically TURNED her body AWAY from me because she could barely stand from laughing so hard. Did she help me?! Oh no she bloody well didn't! I had to PEEL myself from the tarmac while trying once again to stand in the plastic tastic shoes and continue to cross the road while busting my ass laughing. All the while limping like a leper!!!

Seriously I'm writing this and can't stop laughing! No doubt Grace will give me a step by step replay of the whole incident later... bitch. hahaha

She did say after I got across the road, that I didn't even SAY anything before or during the fall. The only reason she turned around to look at me was because of the sound my shoes made before I hit the deck! Apparently they squeaked in protest just before I said 'Hi' to the ground with my face! Bastard plastic tastic shoes. Gave me a shagging set of blisters aswell for my trouble the bastards!

Damn squeeking, blister inducer, Barry and Bob creator, plastic tastic shoes!!!!

Here they are...

So Whelans was great! Hahahaha after all of that! :D Got attacked by Tommy the bouncer with the stamping machine. Woke up this morning with a limp, arms covered in stamps, a carpet in my mouth, erratic blisters and a twitching face along with the shakes.

I resemble a pirate.


1 comment:

Anita said...

You're a danger to, not only yourself but, all around you. You mental bitch :P