Another Tale To Tell

Jesus I knew I'd be shite at keeping this blog alive!

Anyway I haven't been up to much... that's my usual response when someone I don't either know or even like asks me how I'm doing. You're getting no details out of me so you can go. Go away now! I'm talking about the imaginary people I have formed who I don't know or like, not you dear reader.

Ok its taking me a little longer than normal to write this as I seem to have a case of the shakes. From the cold.

Right.

So last night I went out. (Yes this is how its going to begin!)

Ok so its my own fault for even attempting to wear shoes with more than an inch high heel. In fairness though I thought it was doable! They had a platform on the ball of the foot for fuck sake! So it looked like a four inch heel, when really, in reality it was only 2 or 3 inches. I'm ok with that. Or so I thought...

So what happened was I dragged Grace to the Phantom Friday night. I fooled myself that John(I am changing names here so to protect my privacy and pride) would be up for a little shameless flirting and maybe a quick wear but no, the man now has a girlfriend and wouldn't even say hi. Right. That has done a lot for the ego. Especially after the whole Paul (another name change) and the whole 'Oh I now happen to be now dating one of the branch managers that you speak to on a daily basis right in front of your face and I'm pretending to be apologetic about it' incident, lets just say it knocked me when I didn't need any more knocking. Know what I mean? So I drank to compensate, as you do. :D

So basically that ended in disaster. I remember going up to talk to John at some stage to say I was high tailing it out of there and he nodded and smiled and pretended to pay attention. I'm glad I never removed the word 'asshole' from the front of his name in my phone.

So we left and got in a taxi to Whelans.

This 'incident' happened as a result of three mistakes on my part.

I put back on my plastic tastic shoes in the taxi and actually managed to convince myself that I was going to be able to walk in them. Yeah. First mistake.

We got out of the taxi early because the traffic was mental. Second mistake.

Enter the crossroads at Wexford St.

Que changing traffic lights.

Que me making the decision to go for it. Third mistake.

*shuffle shuffle shuffle* Go Chrisso! You can make it! (My internal monologue) Go Chrisso!!!!!!!!

*Thump*

Apparently my feet has an objection to moving in a coordinated fashion to cross the fucking road because all of a sudden I find myself face down on the ground, right smack bam in the middle of a busy intersection mind, with my feet dangling in the air behind me.

Right in front of stopped traffic!!!

To say I'm mortified beyond belief is an understatement! Although I'm thinking about it and I can't stop fucking laughing about it because it was THAT bad! I actually properly skulled myself!

Now I have two wonderful bruises on my already battered legs. I have named them Barry and Bob. They are going to be hanging around for a while so I said I'd welcome them along to the disaster zone that is my body and make them feel that extra bit welcome by assigning them names. I wouldn't mind but they happened to appear on an artery so they are really sore!

Jesus I need a go of a soapy sponge.

So anyway, I'm lying there in the middle of the road and Grace, who made it across, lucky bitch, can't even LOOK at me! She physically TURNED her body AWAY from me because she could barely stand from laughing so hard. Did she help me?! Oh no she bloody well didn't! I had to PEEL myself from the tarmac while trying once again to stand in the plastic tastic shoes and continue to cross the road while busting my ass laughing. All the while limping like a leper!!!

Seriously I'm writing this and can't stop laughing! No doubt Grace will give me a step by step replay of the whole incident later... bitch. hahaha

She did say after I got across the road, that I didn't even SAY anything before or during the fall. The only reason she turned around to look at me was because of the sound my shoes made before I hit the deck! Apparently they squeaked in protest just before I said 'Hi' to the ground with my face! Bastard plastic tastic shoes. Gave me a shagging set of blisters aswell for my trouble the bastards!

Damn squeeking, blister inducer, Barry and Bob creator, plastic tastic shoes!!!!

Here they are...




So Whelans was great! Hahahaha after all of that! :D Got attacked by Tommy the bouncer with the stamping machine. Woke up this morning with a limp, arms covered in stamps, a carpet in my mouth, erratic blisters and a twitching face along with the shakes.

I resemble a pirate.

Nice.

Tick Tock, Tick Tock

I'm bored.

I'm just in from work and I'm sitting in my pj's horsing down a cup of hot chocolate and staring in to space. Until I decided to come on here of course.

So....

Right.

You know what I did? I was sitting on the bus coming home and listening to my new ipod. You want to know what album I found on it that I didn't know I had?

Ultimate Disney Songs.

Oh yeah I went there.

So I'm sitting there with a shit eating grin on my face, moments away from standing up, throwing my arms out and bursting in to song, all the while the drunken old people pile on the bus and start hitting each other with handbags. Unintentionally of course. Strange people occupy the last bus home. The stragglers. The weirdos.

I, however, wanted to round them all up and create a Disney performance act. We already had the tour bus down so it was just a matter of getting everyone involved and learning all the words.

We could travel the globe!

Or temple bar... wherever tourists are to part with their cash.

Anyway its just an idea. I'll mull it over and try to pick out any major flaws in my plan before I go through with it. I can't imagine there would be many though. The plan is simply fool proof! If things go wrong or people threaten to leave, I'll just bribe them with a brandy and I'm fucking sorted. Bingo.

I even have a name.

The Late Night Chorus.

How amazing is that?! I'll tell you. Its fucking amazing.

Look out for our tour. We're going to be big.

Remember where you saw it.

Hypocrites

Ugh. I'm so disgusted by some people.

So of course the news broke about the whole Robsten thing last night. At a Kings of Leon gig no less. One of my favourite bands for the past 4 years and a heartbreak for me and millions of others at they're gig. Great. That's just super.

Ok I'll admit, I was traumatised. Not the fact that Rob is hooking up, far from it! I want him to get his groove on, he's young, hot... might as well go for it! However the part I wasn't happy was that it was that excuse of an actress with the severe attitude disorder.

I expressed this. On Robsessed. And of course the Kristen brigade came to the rescue. Basically I was called a preppy bitch and a Jonas Brother fan. Because I don't like Kristen Stewart.

Give me a fucking break.

I don't like someone because they are an illiterate moron and has the worse mannerisms I have ever come across. Is she trying to look like she's having a seizure or is that unintentional? I have NEVER liked her. She can't act. She plays every single character she gets her hands on in the same way. She has destroyed Bella and I'm terrified to see what she does to Joan Jett, on of the greatest fucking icons ever!

I expressed this and of course, I get lynched. Putting it nicely of course.

I am sick of this classification of anti Stweart Rob fans as being 14, hormonal, 'preppy' and going around without a clue.

I am 22 years of age for fuck sake. I have finished college and know a few things at this stage. I have a love of classic literature, architecture, music and photography. Don't fucking dare classify or even associate me with one of those witless wonders.

I was the first one to come out and say something negative about the coupling along with mentioning that I was heartbroken on the board. I wasn't expecting full support, but in the end only a couple of people owned up and admitted that they felt the same. I was disgusted. Everyone else took the 'high' road and tried to put across that they were happy for them. Whatever. I know there were an awful lot of people keeping quiet about the whole thing. But then some people had the audacity to say that people like me were being mocked for coming out and saying we don't like her and are unhappy because Rob is off the market?! Oh would you ever fuck off and get away from me!

I know its a fantasy, I know deep down that I'll never meet him. I just choose to ignore all of this and play happy family. When did everything start getting so serious?! Jesus. I felt like I at the wrong end of a witch hunt!

Overall I've been completely turned off. Turned off the comment section of the board and turned off by Rob fans. I don't want to be associated with any off that bullshit. I like my life simple. No arguments.

There'd be no point in trying to defend yourself either because those people just go at you harder calling you immature and attack you for expressing yourself, even if you are being respectful to Kristen in the process.

No. Not for me sorry.

Bye Rob. It was good while it lasted.

*Head In Hands*

The 'old' me would be horrified. Absolutely disgusted in fact.

Now?

I really don't fucking care! hahaha

I have a secret. I'm listening to The Streets and its really good! hahaha The fact that I downloaded it in the first place was a testament in itself. I have to say, I'm getting quite addicted to the album! Its the first one, Original Pirate Material. You know what I think it is? The actual music. Its so put together! But I do have to admit that yer man, Skinner... he has such a tongue in cheek way of writing that I find it really funny.

Ah sure.

At least its not as bad as the Shania Twain album I downloaded earlier.... bahahahaha oh have I told you lately that I feel like a woman? hahaha

Jesus. What the hell is happening to me?!

I Reek Of So Much Class, It Astounds Me...

Ow.


Ow.


Oww oww oww oww oww oww oww!!


My head. My poor beautiful head.

Pumping headache?
Check.
Duvet tangled around my hips?
Check.
Naked?
Check.
Lying spread out on the bed like Jesus nailed to a cross?
Fucking check.

So what was a quiet night in with a few friends turned in to a drinking and singing marathon that involved copious amounts of alcohol,nachos with melted cheese, ice cream, chocolate, Dirty Dancing and Alan Carr.

Annoyed with the fact that it was a Thursday night and some people had work in the morning, my friend and I headed in to town to take the night to another level. I ended up in the last place I thought I would. The Base Bar. Its basically a club in a basement that's one sole purpose is to ruin the foundations of the Georgian structure. It seems to be doing a pretty good job of it I must say.

Anyway, on any normal given night I wouldn't be caught dead in there but I found myself inside, downing very cheap vodka and red bull and dancing away. It was also a gay night in there which topped it all off! All night I was fending off admirers and receiving compliments that my friend and I make a lovely couple. I found the whole thing fucking hilarious! hahaha

So basically it was a night of titty popping to Beyonce and dancing wildly while steadily getting worse off with each mouthful of fuel. At the end of the night I found myself being very smart and deciding to go in to work. Yes, work.

Funny story. You know the way I had gone to my friend's house for 'nibbles' and 'refreshments'? (I say nibbles, I mean practically inhaling the melted cheese and nachos.)Anyway I had planned to be there at around 6. I arrived at half 7 with a very fucking large tent, a wheely duffle bag, bag full of clothes from Pennys and sweaty armpits. I had 'stopped off' in town. Just for a 'look' you understand. I walked in to a camping shop and there was a very large tent for 85 euro. I expressed some interest in the product. Guy came over, saw that I knew what I was talking about, pointed out the good points about the tent and then offered it to me for 70 euro. I couldn't exactly turn that down now could I?

So that brings us to why I had all of this shit. Cut then to me deciding to go on the last. Where to put the bag? hmmm... *lightbulb* You know, I DO happen to work in town... I'm sure they wouldn't mind me just dropping in and dumping my stuff off for a few hours. So I did. And then returned to my lovely office block at 3 o clock in the morning absolutely shit faced and end up talking to the overnight guy for at least a half hour.

I have no recollection of what I said to him.

Anyway, cut to me arriving at home. Completely forgot to take the luggage out of the boot and end up having the taxi man running after me to the door. Lovely. Got in, went upstairs and saw my bed. Sleep. Yum. Looked down. Clothes. Ugh. Que the struggle to get out of the bloody things. Grand, dress was off. Looked down. Tights. UGH. Start taking them off. Struggling with the ankle bit. This is familiar. Bending over. Balance starts to go. Ooh, hair clip on the carpet. Why is the floor this close. OWW. OWW OWW OWW OWW OWW OWW.

Yeah.

I managed to fall over head first on to the floor but not before I skulled my head off the wroth iron handle on my dresser. I fell to the ground in pain and lay there with my arse in the air and my tights still fucking wrapped around my ankles. I actually passed out for a few minutes! I came to a few mins later and shuffled around on the floor, removed my tights all the while clutching my head.I saw my bed, clambered up and proceeded to pass out fully. I came to this morning with no recollection of what happened to my head.

I came down the stairs after putting on some clothes, no need to scare the horses like. I was actually still drunk I think. Anyway my mam asked me what the hell I did last night as she said she heard me falling over, a loud swear and then silence. She was two minutes from coming in to see if I was still alive when she heard me get up. I proceeded to fall around the place laughing and tell her of what she would have seen had she actually walked in.

Yeah. So that brings us to now. I'm sitting here, nursing a cup of tea, taste of crisps in my mouth and matted hair. I just had to write all of this down because I might forget it in case I get a concussion.

I've spent the morning in convulsions of laughter on the phone with my friend, lying spread across the bed while I tell her of what happened. The plan? Go out tonight and do it all again.

('',)

I've been neglecting again...

*pokes head in. takes a look around, decides its safe and closes the door behind me*

Hi! It's been a while, has it not? So many things have come and passed and yet I have not commented on any of them. Here's a quick briefing...

Michael Jackson Died
Right I actually really didn't care about this to be honest. He was a shadow of his former self and looked a like a melted action man. No, your going to find yourself hard pushed to get any sympathy on this one from me. I liked his stuff as a kid and fucking adore a certain Jackson 5 track but in fairness he was either going to die during an operation to stop the melting of his face or on stage during that ridiculous 50 show stint in London. I'm glad it happened at home at least!

Glastonbury
Right well I missed my chance to go and boy am I raging I didn't! Neil Young, Brucie, Florence and the Machine, East 17... damn it anyway! All that hippiness and flower power is right up my alley. Probably best I didn't go. Knowing me I would have chained myself to a tipee when it was all over and refused to move until promises of a similar place were made to me. Oh well, as they say... there's always next year!

New music
Well if I haven't been ever so happy for the past month! New albums due from The Dead Weather, Florence and the Machine and I finally got my hands on the much anticipate release from Yeah Yeah Yeahs... It is something of a miracle I haven't combusted! Any thoughts of Jack White and Alison Mossheart collaborating was enough to make me turn in to a surfer with the one phrase escaping my mouth... DUDE! I'm including one of they're tracks that they've released in video form down below.



*drools* See that? Thats my type of groove right there! ('',)


Oooh I've found this really great video of a girl doing a fire poi routine at the Burning Man festival. Watch this girl, she is actually amazing! I can do SOME poi but I don't think I could ever get to this stage, she's phenominal!



I've also been listening to a lot of The Kills lately due to the fact that they are fucking amazing and also in anticipation of the new album by The Dead Weather. I managed to find this video thats similar to a performance I saw of them in the Olympia theatre in 2003 I think it was. They were supporting Muse. Anyway here you go...



waaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!! hahahaha

I've been laughing my ass off to the wonderful genius of both Noel Fielding and Russell Brand. I hated them for ages, I think it was a combination of Russells hair and his cirulation stopping jeans. Noel, I've loved anyway! :D





But after those two videos I've fallen in love with them! Marry me Noel! heehee Don't worry, Bobby is still my number one. Sorry Louise. ('',)


Apart from all that I've been super! Working away, which is of course a drag in my job. I got my holiday pay though so I'm in a really good mood. For the past two weeks I've been like a leper and avoiding all social situations due to the fact that I've had no money. So there I was, on the phone at 12.05am last night, ringing my bank to check that I got paid. To my surprise I received an extra 400 euro! Score! You should have seen the state of me... I did an extremely embarrassing Tim Henman fist bump! Example A can be seen below...



It was actually really embarrassing. It was a more exaggerated version of that involving both arms instead of just the one. There I am, on my own in my room at 12.05am, standing there in my pyjamas, phone held to my ear by my shoulder and doing the Tim Henman fist pump. Mortifying.

Anyway, I think the length of that blog was sufficient enough for my lack of posting. Notice how I've completely breezed over the fact that Rob, or Bobby as he is now known, in any of that. Believe me, I building up to it.

Central Park pictures...

*shiver*

Oh I'm so going off to dream Rob, I mean Bobby, dreams!

Night!
x

Jerry Fish has made my week!

Wellity wellity wellity!

How are you all? I hope that I find you well! I've been quite alright if I must say! Apart from the stitching in my gums due to irritation from the stitches, everything has been quite pleasant!

My supervisor has offered me her job if she gets a job she applied for, that was nice. Don't know if I'd take it though... probably. Meh, think about it when the time comes!

Anyway I went to see Jerry Fish and The Mudbug Club on Saturday evening! It was an amazing show, complete cabaret! It was a part circus, part mayhem! Brilliant show execution! There were people on stilts, a woman doing gymnastics on two bits of fabric from the ceiling. Jerry came in to the room from the back with his jazz section and did a full lap of the room before heading up to the stage! Brilliant! :D

I managed to skive a set list from a roadie at the end of the night... no I'm not a stalker! My friend however is. And seeing as she paid for my ticket, I got it for her! :D Jerry was signing stuff and meeting fans after the gig so I got my ticket signed, along with a photo and she got the set list signed. She didn't get a photo cause she had already met him earlier that day. As I said... stalker. ('',)

Ugh I'm actually boring myself writing this! Sorry! Hopefully I'll have something more exciting to write about soon. Or find the enthusiasm to actually make an effort! hahaha

Bye! x