Another Tale To Tell

Jesus I knew I'd be shite at keeping this blog alive!

Anyway I haven't been up to much... that's my usual response when someone I don't either know or even like asks me how I'm doing. You're getting no details out of me so you can go. Go away now! I'm talking about the imaginary people I have formed who I don't know or like, not you dear reader.

Ok its taking me a little longer than normal to write this as I seem to have a case of the shakes. From the cold.

Right.

So last night I went out. (Yes this is how its going to begin!)

Ok so its my own fault for even attempting to wear shoes with more than an inch high heel. In fairness though I thought it was doable! They had a platform on the ball of the foot for fuck sake! So it looked like a four inch heel, when really, in reality it was only 2 or 3 inches. I'm ok with that. Or so I thought...

So what happened was I dragged Grace to the Phantom Friday night. I fooled myself that John(I am changing names here so to protect my privacy and pride) would be up for a little shameless flirting and maybe a quick wear but no, the man now has a girlfriend and wouldn't even say hi. Right. That has done a lot for the ego. Especially after the whole Paul (another name change) and the whole 'Oh I now happen to be now dating one of the branch managers that you speak to on a daily basis right in front of your face and I'm pretending to be apologetic about it' incident, lets just say it knocked me when I didn't need any more knocking. Know what I mean? So I drank to compensate, as you do. :D

So basically that ended in disaster. I remember going up to talk to John at some stage to say I was high tailing it out of there and he nodded and smiled and pretended to pay attention. I'm glad I never removed the word 'asshole' from the front of his name in my phone.

So we left and got in a taxi to Whelans.

This 'incident' happened as a result of three mistakes on my part.

I put back on my plastic tastic shoes in the taxi and actually managed to convince myself that I was going to be able to walk in them. Yeah. First mistake.

We got out of the taxi early because the traffic was mental. Second mistake.

Enter the crossroads at Wexford St.

Que changing traffic lights.

Que me making the decision to go for it. Third mistake.

*shuffle shuffle shuffle* Go Chrisso! You can make it! (My internal monologue) Go Chrisso!!!!!!!!

*Thump*

Apparently my feet has an objection to moving in a coordinated fashion to cross the fucking road because all of a sudden I find myself face down on the ground, right smack bam in the middle of a busy intersection mind, with my feet dangling in the air behind me.

Right in front of stopped traffic!!!

To say I'm mortified beyond belief is an understatement! Although I'm thinking about it and I can't stop fucking laughing about it because it was THAT bad! I actually properly skulled myself!

Now I have two wonderful bruises on my already battered legs. I have named them Barry and Bob. They are going to be hanging around for a while so I said I'd welcome them along to the disaster zone that is my body and make them feel that extra bit welcome by assigning them names. I wouldn't mind but they happened to appear on an artery so they are really sore!

Jesus I need a go of a soapy sponge.

So anyway, I'm lying there in the middle of the road and Grace, who made it across, lucky bitch, can't even LOOK at me! She physically TURNED her body AWAY from me because she could barely stand from laughing so hard. Did she help me?! Oh no she bloody well didn't! I had to PEEL myself from the tarmac while trying once again to stand in the plastic tastic shoes and continue to cross the road while busting my ass laughing. All the while limping like a leper!!!

Seriously I'm writing this and can't stop laughing! No doubt Grace will give me a step by step replay of the whole incident later... bitch. hahaha

She did say after I got across the road, that I didn't even SAY anything before or during the fall. The only reason she turned around to look at me was because of the sound my shoes made before I hit the deck! Apparently they squeaked in protest just before I said 'Hi' to the ground with my face! Bastard plastic tastic shoes. Gave me a shagging set of blisters aswell for my trouble the bastards!

Damn squeeking, blister inducer, Barry and Bob creator, plastic tastic shoes!!!!

Here they are...




So Whelans was great! Hahahaha after all of that! :D Got attacked by Tommy the bouncer with the stamping machine. Woke up this morning with a limp, arms covered in stamps, a carpet in my mouth, erratic blisters and a twitching face along with the shakes.

I resemble a pirate.

Nice.

Tick Tock, Tick Tock

I'm bored.

I'm just in from work and I'm sitting in my pj's horsing down a cup of hot chocolate and staring in to space. Until I decided to come on here of course.

So....

Right.

You know what I did? I was sitting on the bus coming home and listening to my new ipod. You want to know what album I found on it that I didn't know I had?

Ultimate Disney Songs.

Oh yeah I went there.

So I'm sitting there with a shit eating grin on my face, moments away from standing up, throwing my arms out and bursting in to song, all the while the drunken old people pile on the bus and start hitting each other with handbags. Unintentionally of course. Strange people occupy the last bus home. The stragglers. The weirdos.

I, however, wanted to round them all up and create a Disney performance act. We already had the tour bus down so it was just a matter of getting everyone involved and learning all the words.

We could travel the globe!

Or temple bar... wherever tourists are to part with their cash.

Anyway its just an idea. I'll mull it over and try to pick out any major flaws in my plan before I go through with it. I can't imagine there would be many though. The plan is simply fool proof! If things go wrong or people threaten to leave, I'll just bribe them with a brandy and I'm fucking sorted. Bingo.

I even have a name.

The Late Night Chorus.

How amazing is that?! I'll tell you. Its fucking amazing.

Look out for our tour. We're going to be big.

Remember where you saw it.

I Reek Of So Much Class, It Astounds Me...

Ow.


Ow.


Oww oww oww oww oww oww oww!!


My head. My poor beautiful head.

Pumping headache?
Check.
Duvet tangled around my hips?
Check.
Naked?
Check.
Lying spread out on the bed like Jesus nailed to a cross?
Fucking check.

So what was a quiet night in with a few friends turned in to a drinking and singing marathon that involved copious amounts of alcohol,nachos with melted cheese, ice cream, chocolate, Dirty Dancing and Alan Carr.

Annoyed with the fact that it was a Thursday night and some people had work in the morning, my friend and I headed in to town to take the night to another level. I ended up in the last place I thought I would. The Base Bar. Its basically a club in a basement that's one sole purpose is to ruin the foundations of the Georgian structure. It seems to be doing a pretty good job of it I must say.

Anyway, on any normal given night I wouldn't be caught dead in there but I found myself inside, downing very cheap vodka and red bull and dancing away. It was also a gay night in there which topped it all off! All night I was fending off admirers and receiving compliments that my friend and I make a lovely couple. I found the whole thing fucking hilarious! hahaha

So basically it was a night of titty popping to Beyonce and dancing wildly while steadily getting worse off with each mouthful of fuel. At the end of the night I found myself being very smart and deciding to go in to work. Yes, work.

Funny story. You know the way I had gone to my friend's house for 'nibbles' and 'refreshments'? (I say nibbles, I mean practically inhaling the melted cheese and nachos.)Anyway I had planned to be there at around 6. I arrived at half 7 with a very fucking large tent, a wheely duffle bag, bag full of clothes from Pennys and sweaty armpits. I had 'stopped off' in town. Just for a 'look' you understand. I walked in to a camping shop and there was a very large tent for 85 euro. I expressed some interest in the product. Guy came over, saw that I knew what I was talking about, pointed out the good points about the tent and then offered it to me for 70 euro. I couldn't exactly turn that down now could I?

So that brings us to why I had all of this shit. Cut then to me deciding to go on the last. Where to put the bag? hmmm... *lightbulb* You know, I DO happen to work in town... I'm sure they wouldn't mind me just dropping in and dumping my stuff off for a few hours. So I did. And then returned to my lovely office block at 3 o clock in the morning absolutely shit faced and end up talking to the overnight guy for at least a half hour.

I have no recollection of what I said to him.

Anyway, cut to me arriving at home. Completely forgot to take the luggage out of the boot and end up having the taxi man running after me to the door. Lovely. Got in, went upstairs and saw my bed. Sleep. Yum. Looked down. Clothes. Ugh. Que the struggle to get out of the bloody things. Grand, dress was off. Looked down. Tights. UGH. Start taking them off. Struggling with the ankle bit. This is familiar. Bending over. Balance starts to go. Ooh, hair clip on the carpet. Why is the floor this close. OWW. OWW OWW OWW OWW OWW OWW.

Yeah.

I managed to fall over head first on to the floor but not before I skulled my head off the wroth iron handle on my dresser. I fell to the ground in pain and lay there with my arse in the air and my tights still fucking wrapped around my ankles. I actually passed out for a few minutes! I came to a few mins later and shuffled around on the floor, removed my tights all the while clutching my head.I saw my bed, clambered up and proceeded to pass out fully. I came to this morning with no recollection of what happened to my head.

I came down the stairs after putting on some clothes, no need to scare the horses like. I was actually still drunk I think. Anyway my mam asked me what the hell I did last night as she said she heard me falling over, a loud swear and then silence. She was two minutes from coming in to see if I was still alive when she heard me get up. I proceeded to fall around the place laughing and tell her of what she would have seen had she actually walked in.

Yeah. So that brings us to now. I'm sitting here, nursing a cup of tea, taste of crisps in my mouth and matted hair. I just had to write all of this down because I might forget it in case I get a concussion.

I've spent the morning in convulsions of laughter on the phone with my friend, lying spread across the bed while I tell her of what happened. The plan? Go out tonight and do it all again.

('',)

Enough is ENOUGH!

That is IT!!! I actually can't physically keep up anymore! There are TOO MANY PHOTOS!!! I swear, every time I go on Robsessed there is at least 3 new posts with a FUCKING HORDE of new photos of Rob! Seriously I went weeks with nothing and now this?!?!

And I wouldn't mind, they're not even shit ones, I mean, these are 'pick your jaw off the floor, your drool is ruining the electrics in the laptop' pictures. I'm going to do damage to my already gammy jaw bone if this type of behaviour keeps up! Not to forget also my finding of this AMAZING gallery where quite literally EVERY photo ever taken of Rob in the past month is in there! My fingers are sore from right clicking and saving! My computer's hard drive is groaning under the pressure of opening all these high resolution pictures! I've had to create a 'sub' folder in my Robert Pattinson picture folder labelled 'Cannes' for fuck sake!!!

Not that I'm complaining of course! Hahaha

Seriously though, if this type of media coverage is whats going to happen during the promotional tour for New Moon, I might as well hire some lackies now and build an office full of computers just so I can see everything! Although my Rob folder has now gotten so big, one can't go for an occasional 'browse' any more. No. It's a full on marathon! You can't stop until you reach the end! And by then the fan on the laptop is about to fall out and my hands are sore from clicking the arrows so I can change the picture! Now I know a lot of you 'hardcore-ians' are shouting 'SLIDESHOW! SLIDESHOW!' However if I was to have a slideshow for this folder, cancel your plans for the evening because this will take longer than a dvd box set.

Wake Up Call

Good morning! Or afternoon, whatever.

The time is 13.24 and I have been up the grand total of a half hour. I have already demolished a Grazia magazine that told me of Brad and Jen's 'reunion'. Not much info really, just the usual 'an insider said this, a close friend said that'. Rubbish really.

Anyway I turned on my computer, you know to... check up on things.... low and behold I am greeted with a WONDERFUL post on Robsessed that includes many many beautiful pictures of my man leaving Vancouver. He told me was leaving you know, but it is always nice to see the proof! We're going to meet up in Cannes. Yep. Swear. To. God.

Anyway... I'm just going to include the highlights for me from this gift from the heavens!






Ahem. Yes. Well....

Shit, the most I'll ever see of Rob in Cannes is the paparazzi pictures that are posted of him in the fucking airport!! hahahaha Can't wait for those by the way! ROFL

Ah yes, how sad, I'll be sitting here refreshing Robsessed every hour to see is there any update! ('',)


Thanks to Robsessed for the pics!

Always good for a giggle

Just found this little jem here. Its from a website where people post what they overhear in this wonderful city of ours, Dublin.

"Seen a middle eastern looking guy banging a small carpet on the wall of a balcony on the second floor of a flat in ballymun when some local guy shouts up "whats wrong will it not start???" "

I nearly pee'd myself! :D Here's another one:

On Dublin bus, at bus stop a little old lady gets on to enquire when her next bus will be arriving:

Old lady to driver: "Will the next bus be long?"

Smartass Driver: "About the same length as this one luv"

Old Lady(without a moments hesitiation): "Really? And will it be driven by a little bollicks like you?"

hahahahaha

Ok more....

I was in the chaning rooms of marks and spencers in Liffey Valley when a little girl just shouts from another cubicle, "mammy you've got loads of skid marks" The mother was obviously mortified because she just shouts back, "Stretch marks not skid marks!". Needless to say there were a few sniggers coming from all around the changing room!


Wouldn't you actually MURDER the child!!! Baaahahahahahahaha

The Biggest Blonde Moment Of My Life

Seriously I cannot stop laughing at myself. This one is quite literally below the belt of stupidity.

I was talking to my friend about anonymity in regards to profile pictures with blogging and she showed me her picture of her with her hood up and a really dark room. Which is hilarious by the way. Anyway I went on to say I don't know why she bothered because the url for her blog is in her name...

Now for some god forsaken reason it didn't actually register that this wasn't in fact her name. She just used the same initials as her real name for a fake name.

Bring on the moment where I'm about to get in to an argument over it with her. The penny drops. Silence on MSN...well as much as you can get with MSN. Aka no one writing for a few seconds.

Que hilarity as she rips the piss out of me for not realising it and insane amounts of laughter. I'm still laughing at it. My face still hasn't returned to its normal colour.

See, I'm not one for getting stuff wrong. I'm usually the one that has the right answer. I'm not being smug about it, I just observe things an awful lot. But when I'm wrong about something, I'm wrong on a completely new level. It bypasses regular, day to day idiocy. Its in its own league!!!

I'm both mortified and annoyed with myself for not realising this sooner! I mean, COME ON!!! She's one of my best friends! I see the url on a daily basis and I STILL never copped it!

I'm going to hide in a hole for an hour until I forget about it! ('',)

Obsessions Rock!

Ah well this is my first post in, what is it? *checks watch* Two years? Grand. Well no time like the present to restart an old project that got lost on my 'to do list'. And after only one post? Dreadful! I actually started another blog in the meantime over on Wordpress but I got bored with that one. I found that I complained an awful lot. Plus it seems like there was too much competition over there. I was obsessed with view counts. Quite pathetic really.

The reason I came back here happened by accident really. I have been an avid reader of a certain Robert Pattinson fansite and I started to leave comments in the hope that I could share my obsession with someone as equally fanatic as myself. That actually failed as no one replied to my comments or anything! Oh well.

Damn I'm complaining again! :P Ok change tactic.

So my obsession with Robert Pattinson has of course reached new ground. My friend bought me a book on the man in question, full of very nice pictures and included a very nice and very large picture of Rob that I could hang on my bedroom wall. Now at my age I usually deliberate for quite some time on what I should hang up and what should be left in a secret drawer. I have problems letting go of that 'teenage obsession' frame of mind you see. Although at the ripe old age of 22 I can be forgiven for having such tendency's but I do like to think that I am making nice progress in to the world of adult hood and am passed the stage of adorning my wall with posters and instead have very nice and very smart artistic works.

Yeah, that concept kind of flew out the window as soon as I saw the poster.

Immediately I started laughing and scanned the room quickly to see where would be the best spot. It now hangs pride of place beside my mirror so I can catch glimpses of myself and Rob together in my head. I am a sane person. I swear. Its just this man... guh! When that-->
GQ article came out... I thought my stomach was going to fold in on itself. It was actually painful!!

So I'm going to bring my first post in over two years to an abrupt end. Main reason being because I actually saved this as a draft over two hours ago and I can't remember what I was saying! hahaha But alas, I hope to post more often, about Rob, life and anything else I can think of. R.I.P former blog... a new era has begun.

How profound. ROFL :D

Credit to RobsessedPattinson.com for the photo! ('',)
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