But I Don't Even HAVE A House...

So I didn't have any prior appointments for today... hurray!

And you know what that means?! Cleaning.

Now I'm either one or the other. I can be really really neat and need to have everything in its place with no mess and no clutter. Or I can be completely the opposite and be an utter slob with crusted food on kitchenware and a floor-drobe.

Actually the floor-drobe is usually present at all times. Moving on....

My day didn't actually consist of that cleaning buzz, where literally the entire house needs to be spotless, no. This was more 'oh ok, you want me to clean?? Well I'll do that but only so you won't shout at me'. Yeah.

So it started off watching Jeremy Kyle.. Oh it was simply AMAZING!! I ADORE daytime tv!! The trash that is on his show is unbelievable!! I was in my element! So I watched that while ironing, breaking my heart laughing through the entire thing.

After that (I'm still ironing by the way), I moved on over to 'Escape to the Country'. It's one of those shows where people who live in the city want to have the country life instead so a tv crew and some woman who has NO experience in real estate follow them around while they poke around someone else's house. I have to say, I do enjoy looking around people's houses! All of this consists of moi having a running commentary that usually involves a lot of 'ooh state of that!' or 'jaysus, you'd think she would've decorated a bit' or maybe even a 'that's not what I would have done'.

Now every once in a while they'd hit the goldmine and find this amazing house that I, myself, could see myself living in. Rarely.

Anyway I was having a ball watching this, giving out about the state of the couple who were looking for property and trying to convince my mam that the 'man' was indeed gay, and his marriage was, in fact, a cover up. Such was my reasoning, she thought so too. Success!!

After all of that I moved on to 'Location, Location, Location', another house hunting programme. I was in my element!

I don't know what it is about day time tv... if it doesn't involve a 'show' type structure, with the old man and the really young lady presenting, I'm all over it like a rash!

It's just as well I don't turn on my tv that often as I'd be sucked in each day and would get NOTHING done!!

I eventually finished my ironing (just as Location, Location, Location was finishing up... fancy that!) and chilled out for a good two hours. Ended up on the laptop and got sucked in to the world of the internet.

Seriously, my internet habits are AWFUL!! I resemble someone with ADHD! I have an array of tabs open in my browser at any one time and not one are connected with the other!

Today I managed to read up on the Vietnam war and download some ebooks, update my mobile phone software, browse through Getty Images website, browse through Life Magazine's website, look at Castletown House's website, Facebook and watch the new episode of True Blood online. And that was in 2 hours!

I was also on Amazon for a bit... man, am I dangerous on there!! I'm currently reading a book I just got from there titled 'Jane Austen; The World of Her Novels'. I'm glued to the fucking thing! hahaha It's great for someone like me, who is just obsessed with that era! I went back on to Amazon to find a companion book for it which is basically a book on etiquette. It's written in the style of a guidebook, as if it were published in the late 18th century. It's gotten really good reviews but I can't afford it at the moment. Story of my life darling! hahaha

Right I'm going off to read another chapter or two before beddy byes.

Tally ho!

Day Of Frolicking

That didn't actually involve any sort of frolicking what so ever.

I did however have a day of adventure! Adventure I hear you cry?

Well sorta.

I passed the Dublin city boundary at least!

Today was a day of fun fun fun with one half of the Glamrocks ladies, Louise. We stalled it out to Dundrum shopping centre first to look at all of the beautiful things that we can't afford...*sigh*

Mind you, we went outside by the water fountain/thing beside the cinema and my senses were assaulted by a screeching in my ear and the smell of OAP's in the air. There was some 'spontaneous' opera singers performing in full concert gear giving it welly. The oul wans were LOVING IT! Bless, the little smiles on their faces... I bet it was the highlight of their day.

I'm being a little bit bad, aren't I? Look I'm sorry, I have TRIED to like Opera but sadly it's just one of those genres of music that does not appeal to me in the slightest.

Call me an uncultured swine if you must but I will retaliate with the fact that I adore Classical music, so there! Yes, I did stick my tongue out at the screen.



See, even Louise tried to pretend that she was having a good time but she's hiding the fear in her eyes behind the glasses.

Anyway after that we headed to Portmarnock, armed with bagels and growling stomachs. WHY we went there I don't know, considering its an awfully long way just to eat a bloody bagel, considering how hungry we were... You're going to have to explain that one to me Louise.

Anyway we got there and it was kind of sunny. Oh you know the way... you look for somewhere to sit, still looking, eventually find a spot and settle down. Grand. Still sunny. Unwrap the bagel, take a bite. It clouds over.

I mean COME ON!!!!

It took Louise literally 4 seconds to start telling me how unbelievably intolerant she is to the cold (it was still quite warm at this stage) and how if she doesn't heat up, she will actually die. Yes, DIE. She didn't say any of this but I could tell. I could tell alright! hahaha

Here's some pics that I took of the beach. Notice how you can see the sun TRYING ever so hard to squeeze through but doesn't quite make it. Kind of like a fat kid going down a toddler slide. In shorts. Oh the squeaking!!!






Some madzers actually got in! I can see them still trying to get the sand out of their feet for weeks to come!



The sun gone in... *rolls eyes*



Louise being freezing



Her bag, which I'm very jealous of by the way!



My bag... and foot.



That mad man with his metal detector... HE HAD A SHOVEL!! I didn't know at the time that he had a shovel!! I wonder if he found anything...



Louise making the point further that she was freezing, although by that stage I was too!



The little lighthouse on Howth Head... I wanted to go in for tea! hahaha



The ships coming in to Dublin. Just out of shot, pirates.



Today we walked THIS MANY! We're hot. Like AWESOMELY hot! I swear I didn't nearly loose a lung!



I wanted to go to the edge but previous experience with rabbit holes stopped me from ploughing through!



I think we found a location for a Glamrocks cover shoot...



I have to say I was quite proud of myself today, normally a hangover would have me hiding in bed and moaning constantly but today was really fun! And I only tripped over twice! No face on ground contact either!

Mind you I still managed to rip my leggings on the ONE twig that was in my vicinity. What am I?

A disaster!

I Totally Deserved It

Never, EVER try and cut corners man because its just going to bite you in the ass!

Today I spent the better part of the afternoon dreading the thoughts of going to the gym. I was just being really, really lazy to be honest. I haven't been in three fucking weeks so I really needed to get my ass down there.

But the thought of walking!!!

So I said to myself, fuck it, get the bus down.

Now actually getting the bus is an endevour in itself. Seriously the only bus that goes down there is once every 50mins if you're lucky! And then three of them come in a row! If you were to walk you'd be there before the bus comes like!

That's not even the worse bit. The worst bit is that ITS ONLY ONE FUCKING STOP! You get on the bus and you get off at the next one! The distance isn't even that much between the bus stops, probably a 20minute walk, but its the walk itself. There are two bridges and NOTHING around you except traffic and bushes where the miggies gather. Biting bastards! hahaha

So today I decided to get the bus. Bad decision.

First off I was waiting for 40minutes for the shagging bus in the first place! Secondly when I got on it I had to do the whole embarrassing walk down the stairs after only going one stop. Thirdly, when you get off, you still have to walk for ten minutes! I mean is there even a point?!

So I did my work out, which nearly killed me by the way, and went to wait for the bus home. I WAS going to walk but then I said 'nah, sure one always passes me when I'm walking home'. So I waited. I only had to wait for 20minutes before one turned the corner.

I put my hand out.

Kept it out.

The bus man SEES me, shakes his head and points to the bus stop 5minutes away around the corner as he drives right past.

HE DROVE PAST ME!!

The motherfucker drove past me.

I couldn't believe it!

I was on the phone to my friend at the time and was screaming at the bus man again (second time in two days) and decided to just fucking WALK IT seeing as thats what I was obviously supposed to do in the first place!

I wasted over an hour today waiting on that bloody bus! An hour I could have spent sitting in the sun with my sunnies on!

And, get this, as I was walking over the bridge a 210 passed me. A 210!! They come every four hours!

Typical!

By the way I think I gave myself a bruised rib or something from Saturday night! Fucking left lung is killing me all bloody day!

Not to forget the gammy limp I have from my knee...

Jaysus I'm an utter ride aren't I?!

hahahaha

It Started With A Glass Of Wine

Oh dear. Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

It started with a large glass of wine.

I had made plans to go out and have a night full of joyfulness, as you do for a Saturday evening. I have had literally NO money since the first week of this month. I got paid alright but a shopping spree and a drunken weekend later, I found myself on a hard ass budget for the rest of the month. But I said to myself, 'If you have a drink BEFORE HAND and then maybe have a well placed shot in the club, the nagin of vodka will go far'.

Ahem.

So I'm sitting in my house all dolled up, looking like an utter ride of course and I decide a glass of wine would help dramatically for the 'cheap night' cause. So I had that and found myself stumbling a bit towards the bus stop in to town. Awesome.

Met up with a friend of mine first in the Twisted Pepper after getting eyeballed out of it by the bouncer... 'You on your own love?', 'Yes I am and thank you for pointing that out in an extra loud voice so that the entire smoking area thinks I'm a friendless retard'. Asshole.

I go up to pay. I'm asked if I'm on a list. A list! For the Twister Pepper!! I condescendingly say no and the bitch looks me up and down and says 'tenner' IMMEDIATELY after letting the guy in before me for a fiver! I wasn't liking this place already.

So fucking moron that I am, I paid it. I should have just walked out before doing so but I wouldn't have witnessed the best of all sights... These 'retro', 'awesome' people lined the walls, scanning everyone that went in. I, of course, eyeballed the fuck out of all of them. They all saw that they didn't know me and went on posing to each other.

What a place! They all KNEW each other! I felt like I had stumbled in to a birthday bash for a 70 year old and tried to pass myself off as a grand-daughter! Hilarious!! Found my friend and we headed upstairs.

It was a glorified cubbie hole.

Seriously it looked like someone had converted their attic (badly, mind) and slapped red paint on the walls and a DJ booth at the back. It was vile! It looked like an S+M room more than anything! They had a WASHING LINE (?!?!) going across the dancefloor with illuminous pegs hanging up these manky curtains that could be found in a Heatons bargain bin.

Fuuuuuuuuccck!

There was about 10 people in there throwing themselves around the cubbie hole's dancefloor as though they were midway through a spastic fit!

Oh I'm shuddering at the thought of it all!

Everyone there was dressed in American Apparel and that their 'awesome' haircuts styled to perfection. There was a ratio of 2 cameras to each person there! Seriously, the AMOUNT of them! And they were all the flashy, expensive models too, none of this '70 euro from Argos job' in the cubbie hole... oh no!!

I literally found myself a wall, leaned against it and watched this tragedy unfold. It was horrific! Eventually my friend swiped us beers because she knew whoever it was that was playing the 'music' and I proceeded to neck that out of sheer fear for my soul. Some guy in a sun visor came over and wiped all of this fake blood all over me... Ok, fair enough if it was green of something. I could look like I got gunged or gave the HULK a sponge-bath, but RED?! It fucking looked like some chick had her period on my arm!!!!

I pleaded a trip to the jacks, so off we went with yet another free bottle of booze. Yippie. I found myself not caring as much about the blood at this stage but still, I tried to wash it off.

No go.

I mean, AT ALL!!

That sun visor wearing bastard STAINED my skin with what looked like monthly juice. 'Oh hi, yes sorry, could you pass me a sanitary towel for my arm? My arm vagina is leaking again!'

Fuuuuucck sake!

Anyway I left that place pretty speedy (ha!) and headed over to the Academy... this is where the general 'Oh No!' moments happened.

Ok I can't really remember what happened so I'll just tell you the way I remember it and yes, its all in bullet points in my brain.

*Downing another free bottle outside the academy and thinking to myself 'maybe that wasn't a good idea...'

*Meeting the Glamrocks girls at the bar and ordering a vodka...

*Spiking my vodka with more vodka in the middle of the dancefloor by pretending to tie a non existent shoe lace...

*Seeing a group of people that I have no liking for what so fucking ever and shouting and hugging them as if they were my best friends, meanwhile they give me declarations of love and say that we need to go out for drinks. I remember also being absolutely horrified by all of this...

*Spilling all drinks within a 40 foot radius by knocking in to them, one falling on Louise's white coat (sorry again Louise!)

*Trying to wedge the now empty bottle of vodka in the sanitary towel dispenser in the bathroom...

*Meeting my friends on the dancefloor and proceeding to through my hair around like I was in a Florence and the Machine video...

*Seeing another old friend of mine who most likely saw me and thought 'jesus... she's in train-wreck mode again'.

*Knocking in to more people on the dancefloor

*Getting my friend who was in the Twisted Pepper for free by pulling a fast one on the bouncer

*Being in the toilet with said friend from the Twisted Pepper and somehow finding ourselves in a situation that we have both sworn never to speak about and yet find absolutely hilarious!

*Loosing my friend from the Twisted Pepper.

*Swiping pints from the stage that OBVIOUSLY belonged to someone...*head in hands at this stage*

*Somehow being in Burger King laughing my ass off at Una doing her best Edward Cullen impression with chips and ketchup...

*Stomping my way on to the nightlink and hauling ass upstairs where I proceeded to give myself four chins as my body collapsed in on myself

*Being on the nightlink and deciphering the blur outside the windows as being close to home and heading downstairs.

*Standing at the doors of the bus, thinking to myself 'I'm so great, look at me, I can act sober! I bet everyone is thinking "Wow! She's not even drunk, why is she on the bus this late, looking amazing!"'



I'm going to stop the bullet points here because I remember VERY clearly what happened next...

Basically I managed to spew out a drunken 'Thanks very much' to the driver. I stepped off the bus. Now, I didn't notice this until afterwards of course but the driver never actually pulled in. He merely just stopped in the middle of the road.

So the first foot went down.

The second one went down.

I went to lift the first foot off the ground and step forward but it caught itself on the path (that I did not know was there) and proceeded to watch as the ground hurdled towards me.

I literally fell flat on to my fucking face!

MORTIFIED!!

My knees somehow caught the path and the crumpled what stature I had left and I was left sprawled face first on the grass with my dress considerably higher than normal.

I was lying there, hair splayed around me, covered in fake blood on my upper half, real blood on my knee and my dress halfway up my back. I was one of those moments where you first think 'What the fuck?!' immediately followed by an 'Ooookaaaay'.

It was then that I managed to roll around on to my back and looked ahead.

There was the bus driver looking out at me with his eyes as wide as fucking saucers and his mouth in the shape of a big O. Effing bastard. I did what any girl tried to do, I tried to recapture my dignity that was left pouring out the hole now placed at the knee of my tights. I started screaming at him... Well it was more a slurred version of 'You fucking asshole, try pulling up to the path the next time! I'm gonna get you!'

And do you know what he did?

He closed the door. He closed the door and had that same reaction on his face as he pulled off, staring at me the entire time while I tried to pull down my dress as the rest of the bus pulled past.

And what did I do then I hear you cry? Well... I did the only thing you can do in a situation like that... I fell back on the grass and lay there pissing myself laughing. I must have been there for a good five minutes before I actually remembered that there might be people watching.

So I got up and did a quick scan. To my drunken eye there was no one there so off I zig zagged home, limping and crying laughing at the complete horror I had turned myself in to that night.

Eventually made it home and snuck in to the house trying not to wake anyone. Stripped myself of my bra and left it as a good morning present to the household on the kitchen table. Hung it off the back of a chair more like, like a badge of fucking honour! There you effing go! hahaha

I then crept upstairs and immediately passed out.

Woke up the next morning with my little sister hanging over my line of vision, sitting on my stomach and poking me in the face with a crayon.

When did she get here?!

Then I remembered she stayed the night so I dragged her under the duvet and tried to convince her that she wanted to go back to bed... no go.

She got me up, put slippers on me (bless!) and we went downstairs to pass out on the couch. So we sat there for a good hour watching spongebob, busting our bums laughing, me covered in arm vagina juice and reeling from a scabby knee and bruised ribs, all while I robbed her breakfast forgetting that I should be mortified...

Good times! :)

Typical

Seriously, why I ever do anyone any sort of favour is beyond me.

When you ask for one back, no one wants to know. I've had it with people taking advantage all of the time.

Tried to call in sick for work tomorrow and guess what, no one will cover my shift. After all of the shifts I've covered for them before at the drop of a hat and the ONE TIME I call in sick, they say no.

Seriously they can go and fucking shite off. If they ever ask me to do any thing for them again, I'm actually going to tell them where to go. I honestly can't believe it! The bastards! Once they get their way, they are happy. But when it comes to doing something for someone else, they either ignore you or flat out refuse to do it.

Well the days of 'ah sure delightfully_delighted will cover' are long gone.

Decisions, Descisions...

By golly! My life seems to have gotten very busy all of a sudden!

Seriously I go for months without having any fun due to lack of funds (festival tickets to pay for and a shit ass paying job being the culprits) and now suddenly I have commitments.

Commitments are not something I like. I generally like being more elusive and saying 'maybe' or perhaps 'I'll see'. But for some reason I've been saying 'yes' a lot more.

I've somehow agreed to go to the protest march that's on at the Dáil tomorrow evening. Still don't exactly know how I managed to rope myself in to that one. Mind you, apparently I'm going to be marching with the socialist party. Hmmm... I don't know if I like assigning myself to a political party with issues like this. Knowing me I'll get very passionate about the subject in the heat of the moment and they'll try and convince me to join them and their battle for justice.

Don't laugh, its happened before!

But to be honest I don't really have any other option. My friend who I plan to be going to the march with is a member of the party and seems to think that I've agreed to be assigned to flag holding duty.

You may know kindly fuck off mister!

That means associating myself with them for a common purpose. But what about when they ask me to help them on other issues?! What do I say? 'No sorry, I'm a lone ranger?!' hahaha I don't bloody think so!

Anyway I don't even know if I'll go, I'll probably make up some lame ass excuse not to go. Well it is my day off and I would like to go to the gym and run some errands...

Ok now I'm making excuses again. Excuses to get me out of awkward situations. Just like I always do. Oh well... we'll see what tomorrow brings.

Cycle Chic

Oh it has been a long time, hasn't it?!

Normally I'd avoid the issue of forgetting my password and make up some elaborate lie. Something that perhaps involved password stealing gnomes with giant yellow earrings or perhaps a tale of world wide travels where I found an actual pixie man and adopted him, giving the new name of Gerald but NO, I did forget my password and wasn't bothered to try and get pass the very very hard recovery process.

However, no need to fear! I am here once again.

Here to tell the tales of what I've been up to.

Or not.

No, I'm not going to. I'm going to leave who ever is reading this guessing about my absenteeism and let you come to your own conclusion. By the way it was most certainly not doing nothing. Nope. No sir. Nadda.

Right.

So yeah, I'm thinking of getting a bicycle. Not one of those power house contraptions that you see wizzing around the place. Notice how they are always ridden by some guy in his fifties with lycra clinging to his every contour, so much so that you can see the PORES on his armpits?!

I'm sorry but that whole culture of cycling is just vile! Cycling is supposed to be a normal mode of transport for normal people. I have however stumbled across the culture known as 'cycle chic'.

Now THIS I'm interested in!

People looking fabulous on retro bicycles... I can dig that.

An essential blog for all of this is Copenhagen Cycle Chic. They have wonderful photographs celebrating the nicer side of cycling. Mind you, Copenhagen has a completely different attitude to cycling that we Irish have. Over there Cyclists are not a triple point object that you score if you knock one over! In Copenhagen cyclists have the right of way instead of cars. If it snows, the cycle lanes get plowed first ahead of the main roadways! This is because there are so many people using the bike for day to day travelling, instead of using it purely at the weekend.

In fairness, I do think that Dublin's attitude to cycling is changing. The bike to work schemes are great and a lot of people are taking advantage of it, seeing as its a cheap way to keep fit in these recession times. Not to mention its good for the environment!

Anyway, the whole cycle chic thing is a completely separate thing altogether.

Exhibit A



Now one can hardly disagree that this chick doesn't look shit hot, no? hahaha

See that bike right there? That's my bike. Or rather the bike I want. €570 is a bit steep though so I'll be going for the cheaper option. One with a basket for €250! :)

The Copenhagen Cycle Chic website is actually launching a Dublin Cycle Chic event which is happening on 16th June! Details can be found here. So apparently you have to send in a photo or something to get invited to it but hopefully I'll have my bike by then and will be waiting outside looking awesome and ready for someone to take my picture! hahaha

Now... to get that bike! Donations anyone? :)

Its gone!

Well the mop of hair that I called my own... it is now gone. It served me well.

Through my 'cut your own hair' phase...

My 'back comb it as much as possible' phase...

My beat the hell out of it with a GHD phase..

My 'let it go au natural' phase...

Ahhh... good times.


Or not.

The reason why I went over in the first place to get it done was because it was taking so long to actually bend to my command that I was sick and tired of it! It wouldn't stay the way I wanted it and there was a lovely chunk of hair that managed to get singed by a cigarette when it was foolish enough to jump in front of it on a spectacularly windy day... oh how I cursed when that happened!

Now though... well. I have gotten a fringe. Yes a fringe.

My history with fringes isn't one I look back on fondly. I got a fringe when I was about 10 and I swear to god the bitch that did it thought that the thing was supposed to start from the back of your head. That was how I ended up with a mallet fringe that came 6 inches thick away from my face. Bitch.

So yeah, I was going out on a limb here but I was so sick of it the way it was that I didn't care anymore. Well... I have to say... I love it! I am thrilled with the results! It has ended up looking like a mix between Florence Welsh and Kate Moss! woot! hahaha

I have to figure out how the hell to style it now and not singe the thing when I blow dry it!

Another Tale To Tell

Jesus I knew I'd be shite at keeping this blog alive!

Anyway I haven't been up to much... that's my usual response when someone I don't either know or even like asks me how I'm doing. You're getting no details out of me so you can go. Go away now! I'm talking about the imaginary people I have formed who I don't know or like, not you dear reader.

Ok its taking me a little longer than normal to write this as I seem to have a case of the shakes. From the cold.

Right.

So last night I went out. (Yes this is how its going to begin!)

Ok so its my own fault for even attempting to wear shoes with more than an inch high heel. In fairness though I thought it was doable! They had a platform on the ball of the foot for fuck sake! So it looked like a four inch heel, when really, in reality it was only 2 or 3 inches. I'm ok with that. Or so I thought...

So what happened was I dragged Grace to the Phantom Friday night. I fooled myself that John(I am changing names here so to protect my privacy and pride) would be up for a little shameless flirting and maybe a quick wear but no, the man now has a girlfriend and wouldn't even say hi. Right. That has done a lot for the ego. Especially after the whole Paul (another name change) and the whole 'Oh I now happen to be now dating one of the branch managers that you speak to on a daily basis right in front of your face and I'm pretending to be apologetic about it' incident, lets just say it knocked me when I didn't need any more knocking. Know what I mean? So I drank to compensate, as you do. :D

So basically that ended in disaster. I remember going up to talk to John at some stage to say I was high tailing it out of there and he nodded and smiled and pretended to pay attention. I'm glad I never removed the word 'asshole' from the front of his name in my phone.

So we left and got in a taxi to Whelans.

This 'incident' happened as a result of three mistakes on my part.

I put back on my plastic tastic shoes in the taxi and actually managed to convince myself that I was going to be able to walk in them. Yeah. First mistake.

We got out of the taxi early because the traffic was mental. Second mistake.

Enter the crossroads at Wexford St.

Que changing traffic lights.

Que me making the decision to go for it. Third mistake.

*shuffle shuffle shuffle* Go Chrisso! You can make it! (My internal monologue) Go Chrisso!!!!!!!!

*Thump*

Apparently my feet has an objection to moving in a coordinated fashion to cross the fucking road because all of a sudden I find myself face down on the ground, right smack bam in the middle of a busy intersection mind, with my feet dangling in the air behind me.

Right in front of stopped traffic!!!

To say I'm mortified beyond belief is an understatement! Although I'm thinking about it and I can't stop fucking laughing about it because it was THAT bad! I actually properly skulled myself!

Now I have two wonderful bruises on my already battered legs. I have named them Barry and Bob. They are going to be hanging around for a while so I said I'd welcome them along to the disaster zone that is my body and make them feel that extra bit welcome by assigning them names. I wouldn't mind but they happened to appear on an artery so they are really sore!

Jesus I need a go of a soapy sponge.

So anyway, I'm lying there in the middle of the road and Grace, who made it across, lucky bitch, can't even LOOK at me! She physically TURNED her body AWAY from me because she could barely stand from laughing so hard. Did she help me?! Oh no she bloody well didn't! I had to PEEL myself from the tarmac while trying once again to stand in the plastic tastic shoes and continue to cross the road while busting my ass laughing. All the while limping like a leper!!!

Seriously I'm writing this and can't stop laughing! No doubt Grace will give me a step by step replay of the whole incident later... bitch. hahaha

She did say after I got across the road, that I didn't even SAY anything before or during the fall. The only reason she turned around to look at me was because of the sound my shoes made before I hit the deck! Apparently they squeaked in protest just before I said 'Hi' to the ground with my face! Bastard plastic tastic shoes. Gave me a shagging set of blisters aswell for my trouble the bastards!

Damn squeeking, blister inducer, Barry and Bob creator, plastic tastic shoes!!!!

Here they are...




So Whelans was great! Hahahaha after all of that! :D Got attacked by Tommy the bouncer with the stamping machine. Woke up this morning with a limp, arms covered in stamps, a carpet in my mouth, erratic blisters and a twitching face along with the shakes.

I resemble a pirate.

Nice.

Tick Tock, Tick Tock

I'm bored.

I'm just in from work and I'm sitting in my pj's horsing down a cup of hot chocolate and staring in to space. Until I decided to come on here of course.

So....

Right.

You know what I did? I was sitting on the bus coming home and listening to my new ipod. You want to know what album I found on it that I didn't know I had?

Ultimate Disney Songs.

Oh yeah I went there.

So I'm sitting there with a shit eating grin on my face, moments away from standing up, throwing my arms out and bursting in to song, all the while the drunken old people pile on the bus and start hitting each other with handbags. Unintentionally of course. Strange people occupy the last bus home. The stragglers. The weirdos.

I, however, wanted to round them all up and create a Disney performance act. We already had the tour bus down so it was just a matter of getting everyone involved and learning all the words.

We could travel the globe!

Or temple bar... wherever tourists are to part with their cash.

Anyway its just an idea. I'll mull it over and try to pick out any major flaws in my plan before I go through with it. I can't imagine there would be many though. The plan is simply fool proof! If things go wrong or people threaten to leave, I'll just bribe them with a brandy and I'm fucking sorted. Bingo.

I even have a name.

The Late Night Chorus.

How amazing is that?! I'll tell you. Its fucking amazing.

Look out for our tour. We're going to be big.

Remember where you saw it.

Hypocrites

Ugh. I'm so disgusted by some people.

So of course the news broke about the whole Robsten thing last night. At a Kings of Leon gig no less. One of my favourite bands for the past 4 years and a heartbreak for me and millions of others at they're gig. Great. That's just super.

Ok I'll admit, I was traumatised. Not the fact that Rob is hooking up, far from it! I want him to get his groove on, he's young, hot... might as well go for it! However the part I wasn't happy was that it was that excuse of an actress with the severe attitude disorder.

I expressed this. On Robsessed. And of course the Kristen brigade came to the rescue. Basically I was called a preppy bitch and a Jonas Brother fan. Because I don't like Kristen Stewart.

Give me a fucking break.

I don't like someone because they are an illiterate moron and has the worse mannerisms I have ever come across. Is she trying to look like she's having a seizure or is that unintentional? I have NEVER liked her. She can't act. She plays every single character she gets her hands on in the same way. She has destroyed Bella and I'm terrified to see what she does to Joan Jett, on of the greatest fucking icons ever!

I expressed this and of course, I get lynched. Putting it nicely of course.

I am sick of this classification of anti Stweart Rob fans as being 14, hormonal, 'preppy' and going around without a clue.

I am 22 years of age for fuck sake. I have finished college and know a few things at this stage. I have a love of classic literature, architecture, music and photography. Don't fucking dare classify or even associate me with one of those witless wonders.

I was the first one to come out and say something negative about the coupling along with mentioning that I was heartbroken on the board. I wasn't expecting full support, but in the end only a couple of people owned up and admitted that they felt the same. I was disgusted. Everyone else took the 'high' road and tried to put across that they were happy for them. Whatever. I know there were an awful lot of people keeping quiet about the whole thing. But then some people had the audacity to say that people like me were being mocked for coming out and saying we don't like her and are unhappy because Rob is off the market?! Oh would you ever fuck off and get away from me!

I know its a fantasy, I know deep down that I'll never meet him. I just choose to ignore all of this and play happy family. When did everything start getting so serious?! Jesus. I felt like I at the wrong end of a witch hunt!

Overall I've been completely turned off. Turned off the comment section of the board and turned off by Rob fans. I don't want to be associated with any off that bullshit. I like my life simple. No arguments.

There'd be no point in trying to defend yourself either because those people just go at you harder calling you immature and attack you for expressing yourself, even if you are being respectful to Kristen in the process.

No. Not for me sorry.

Bye Rob. It was good while it lasted.

*Head In Hands*

The 'old' me would be horrified. Absolutely disgusted in fact.

Now?

I really don't fucking care! hahaha

I have a secret. I'm listening to The Streets and its really good! hahaha The fact that I downloaded it in the first place was a testament in itself. I have to say, I'm getting quite addicted to the album! Its the first one, Original Pirate Material. You know what I think it is? The actual music. Its so put together! But I do have to admit that yer man, Skinner... he has such a tongue in cheek way of writing that I find it really funny.

Ah sure.

At least its not as bad as the Shania Twain album I downloaded earlier.... bahahahaha oh have I told you lately that I feel like a woman? hahaha

Jesus. What the hell is happening to me?!

I Reek Of So Much Class, It Astounds Me...

Ow.


Ow.


Oww oww oww oww oww oww oww!!


My head. My poor beautiful head.

Pumping headache?
Check.
Duvet tangled around my hips?
Check.
Naked?
Check.
Lying spread out on the bed like Jesus nailed to a cross?
Fucking check.

So what was a quiet night in with a few friends turned in to a drinking and singing marathon that involved copious amounts of alcohol,nachos with melted cheese, ice cream, chocolate, Dirty Dancing and Alan Carr.

Annoyed with the fact that it was a Thursday night and some people had work in the morning, my friend and I headed in to town to take the night to another level. I ended up in the last place I thought I would. The Base Bar. Its basically a club in a basement that's one sole purpose is to ruin the foundations of the Georgian structure. It seems to be doing a pretty good job of it I must say.

Anyway, on any normal given night I wouldn't be caught dead in there but I found myself inside, downing very cheap vodka and red bull and dancing away. It was also a gay night in there which topped it all off! All night I was fending off admirers and receiving compliments that my friend and I make a lovely couple. I found the whole thing fucking hilarious! hahaha

So basically it was a night of titty popping to Beyonce and dancing wildly while steadily getting worse off with each mouthful of fuel. At the end of the night I found myself being very smart and deciding to go in to work. Yes, work.

Funny story. You know the way I had gone to my friend's house for 'nibbles' and 'refreshments'? (I say nibbles, I mean practically inhaling the melted cheese and nachos.)Anyway I had planned to be there at around 6. I arrived at half 7 with a very fucking large tent, a wheely duffle bag, bag full of clothes from Pennys and sweaty armpits. I had 'stopped off' in town. Just for a 'look' you understand. I walked in to a camping shop and there was a very large tent for 85 euro. I expressed some interest in the product. Guy came over, saw that I knew what I was talking about, pointed out the good points about the tent and then offered it to me for 70 euro. I couldn't exactly turn that down now could I?

So that brings us to why I had all of this shit. Cut then to me deciding to go on the last. Where to put the bag? hmmm... *lightbulb* You know, I DO happen to work in town... I'm sure they wouldn't mind me just dropping in and dumping my stuff off for a few hours. So I did. And then returned to my lovely office block at 3 o clock in the morning absolutely shit faced and end up talking to the overnight guy for at least a half hour.

I have no recollection of what I said to him.

Anyway, cut to me arriving at home. Completely forgot to take the luggage out of the boot and end up having the taxi man running after me to the door. Lovely. Got in, went upstairs and saw my bed. Sleep. Yum. Looked down. Clothes. Ugh. Que the struggle to get out of the bloody things. Grand, dress was off. Looked down. Tights. UGH. Start taking them off. Struggling with the ankle bit. This is familiar. Bending over. Balance starts to go. Ooh, hair clip on the carpet. Why is the floor this close. OWW. OWW OWW OWW OWW OWW OWW.

Yeah.

I managed to fall over head first on to the floor but not before I skulled my head off the wroth iron handle on my dresser. I fell to the ground in pain and lay there with my arse in the air and my tights still fucking wrapped around my ankles. I actually passed out for a few minutes! I came to a few mins later and shuffled around on the floor, removed my tights all the while clutching my head.I saw my bed, clambered up and proceeded to pass out fully. I came to this morning with no recollection of what happened to my head.

I came down the stairs after putting on some clothes, no need to scare the horses like. I was actually still drunk I think. Anyway my mam asked me what the hell I did last night as she said she heard me falling over, a loud swear and then silence. She was two minutes from coming in to see if I was still alive when she heard me get up. I proceeded to fall around the place laughing and tell her of what she would have seen had she actually walked in.

Yeah. So that brings us to now. I'm sitting here, nursing a cup of tea, taste of crisps in my mouth and matted hair. I just had to write all of this down because I might forget it in case I get a concussion.

I've spent the morning in convulsions of laughter on the phone with my friend, lying spread across the bed while I tell her of what happened. The plan? Go out tonight and do it all again.

('',)

I've been neglecting again...

*pokes head in. takes a look around, decides its safe and closes the door behind me*

Hi! It's been a while, has it not? So many things have come and passed and yet I have not commented on any of them. Here's a quick briefing...

Michael Jackson Died
Right I actually really didn't care about this to be honest. He was a shadow of his former self and looked a like a melted action man. No, your going to find yourself hard pushed to get any sympathy on this one from me. I liked his stuff as a kid and fucking adore a certain Jackson 5 track but in fairness he was either going to die during an operation to stop the melting of his face or on stage during that ridiculous 50 show stint in London. I'm glad it happened at home at least!

Glastonbury
Right well I missed my chance to go and boy am I raging I didn't! Neil Young, Brucie, Florence and the Machine, East 17... damn it anyway! All that hippiness and flower power is right up my alley. Probably best I didn't go. Knowing me I would have chained myself to a tipee when it was all over and refused to move until promises of a similar place were made to me. Oh well, as they say... there's always next year!

New music
Well if I haven't been ever so happy for the past month! New albums due from The Dead Weather, Florence and the Machine and I finally got my hands on the much anticipate release from Yeah Yeah Yeahs... It is something of a miracle I haven't combusted! Any thoughts of Jack White and Alison Mossheart collaborating was enough to make me turn in to a surfer with the one phrase escaping my mouth... DUDE! I'm including one of they're tracks that they've released in video form down below.



*drools* See that? Thats my type of groove right there! ('',)


Oooh I've found this really great video of a girl doing a fire poi routine at the Burning Man festival. Watch this girl, she is actually amazing! I can do SOME poi but I don't think I could ever get to this stage, she's phenominal!



I've also been listening to a lot of The Kills lately due to the fact that they are fucking amazing and also in anticipation of the new album by The Dead Weather. I managed to find this video thats similar to a performance I saw of them in the Olympia theatre in 2003 I think it was. They were supporting Muse. Anyway here you go...



waaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!! hahahaha

I've been laughing my ass off to the wonderful genius of both Noel Fielding and Russell Brand. I hated them for ages, I think it was a combination of Russells hair and his cirulation stopping jeans. Noel, I've loved anyway! :D





But after those two videos I've fallen in love with them! Marry me Noel! heehee Don't worry, Bobby is still my number one. Sorry Louise. ('',)


Apart from all that I've been super! Working away, which is of course a drag in my job. I got my holiday pay though so I'm in a really good mood. For the past two weeks I've been like a leper and avoiding all social situations due to the fact that I've had no money. So there I was, on the phone at 12.05am last night, ringing my bank to check that I got paid. To my surprise I received an extra 400 euro! Score! You should have seen the state of me... I did an extremely embarrassing Tim Henman fist bump! Example A can be seen below...



It was actually really embarrassing. It was a more exaggerated version of that involving both arms instead of just the one. There I am, on my own in my room at 12.05am, standing there in my pyjamas, phone held to my ear by my shoulder and doing the Tim Henman fist pump. Mortifying.

Anyway, I think the length of that blog was sufficient enough for my lack of posting. Notice how I've completely breezed over the fact that Rob, or Bobby as he is now known, in any of that. Believe me, I building up to it.

Central Park pictures...

*shiver*

Oh I'm so going off to dream Rob, I mean Bobby, dreams!

Night!
x

Jerry Fish has made my week!

Wellity wellity wellity!

How are you all? I hope that I find you well! I've been quite alright if I must say! Apart from the stitching in my gums due to irritation from the stitches, everything has been quite pleasant!

My supervisor has offered me her job if she gets a job she applied for, that was nice. Don't know if I'd take it though... probably. Meh, think about it when the time comes!

Anyway I went to see Jerry Fish and The Mudbug Club on Saturday evening! It was an amazing show, complete cabaret! It was a part circus, part mayhem! Brilliant show execution! There were people on stilts, a woman doing gymnastics on two bits of fabric from the ceiling. Jerry came in to the room from the back with his jazz section and did a full lap of the room before heading up to the stage! Brilliant! :D

I managed to skive a set list from a roadie at the end of the night... no I'm not a stalker! My friend however is. And seeing as she paid for my ticket, I got it for her! :D Jerry was signing stuff and meeting fans after the gig so I got my ticket signed, along with a photo and she got the set list signed. She didn't get a photo cause she had already met him earlier that day. As I said... stalker. ('',)

Ugh I'm actually boring myself writing this! Sorry! Hopefully I'll have something more exciting to write about soon. Or find the enthusiasm to actually make an effort! hahaha

Bye! x

Enough is ENOUGH!

That is IT!!! I actually can't physically keep up anymore! There are TOO MANY PHOTOS!!! I swear, every time I go on Robsessed there is at least 3 new posts with a FUCKING HORDE of new photos of Rob! Seriously I went weeks with nothing and now this?!?!

And I wouldn't mind, they're not even shit ones, I mean, these are 'pick your jaw off the floor, your drool is ruining the electrics in the laptop' pictures. I'm going to do damage to my already gammy jaw bone if this type of behaviour keeps up! Not to forget also my finding of this AMAZING gallery where quite literally EVERY photo ever taken of Rob in the past month is in there! My fingers are sore from right clicking and saving! My computer's hard drive is groaning under the pressure of opening all these high resolution pictures! I've had to create a 'sub' folder in my Robert Pattinson picture folder labelled 'Cannes' for fuck sake!!!

Not that I'm complaining of course! Hahaha

Seriously though, if this type of media coverage is whats going to happen during the promotional tour for New Moon, I might as well hire some lackies now and build an office full of computers just so I can see everything! Although my Rob folder has now gotten so big, one can't go for an occasional 'browse' any more. No. It's a full on marathon! You can't stop until you reach the end! And by then the fan on the laptop is about to fall out and my hands are sore from clicking the arrows so I can change the picture! Now I know a lot of you 'hardcore-ians' are shouting 'SLIDESHOW! SLIDESHOW!' However if I was to have a slideshow for this folder, cancel your plans for the evening because this will take longer than a dvd box set.

Wake Up Call

Good morning! Or afternoon, whatever.

The time is 13.24 and I have been up the grand total of a half hour. I have already demolished a Grazia magazine that told me of Brad and Jen's 'reunion'. Not much info really, just the usual 'an insider said this, a close friend said that'. Rubbish really.

Anyway I turned on my computer, you know to... check up on things.... low and behold I am greeted with a WONDERFUL post on Robsessed that includes many many beautiful pictures of my man leaving Vancouver. He told me was leaving you know, but it is always nice to see the proof! We're going to meet up in Cannes. Yep. Swear. To. God.

Anyway... I'm just going to include the highlights for me from this gift from the heavens!






Ahem. Yes. Well....

Shit, the most I'll ever see of Rob in Cannes is the paparazzi pictures that are posted of him in the fucking airport!! hahahaha Can't wait for those by the way! ROFL

Ah yes, how sad, I'll be sitting here refreshing Robsessed every hour to see is there any update! ('',)


Thanks to Robsessed for the pics!

Erm...

Yeah I kind of had a sex dream about David Tennant last night.


Out of nowhere right?! Seriously I don't know WHERE my mind does be!!!!

It was AMAZING though! hahahaha I kept thinking to myself 'Go on Doctor Who!!' hahaha. We were at Oxegen which was really weird. One of my best friends, well she was there. I feel so bad though because she ADORES him. It's awful! Its like I'm having a dream affair with her man! ROFL So she's gotten her own back and has hinted about her dream sex with Robert Pattinson...

We'll cross that bridge when we get to it. ('',)

Wanna know what I said in the dream after 'the act'?

'I just fucked Doctor Who!'

ROFL

I'm so sorry Anita!!!!

Always good for a giggle

Just found this little jem here. Its from a website where people post what they overhear in this wonderful city of ours, Dublin.

"Seen a middle eastern looking guy banging a small carpet on the wall of a balcony on the second floor of a flat in ballymun when some local guy shouts up "whats wrong will it not start???" "

I nearly pee'd myself! :D Here's another one:

On Dublin bus, at bus stop a little old lady gets on to enquire when her next bus will be arriving:

Old lady to driver: "Will the next bus be long?"

Smartass Driver: "About the same length as this one luv"

Old Lady(without a moments hesitiation): "Really? And will it be driven by a little bollicks like you?"

hahahahaha

Ok more....

I was in the chaning rooms of marks and spencers in Liffey Valley when a little girl just shouts from another cubicle, "mammy you've got loads of skid marks" The mother was obviously mortified because she just shouts back, "Stretch marks not skid marks!". Needless to say there were a few sniggers coming from all around the changing room!


Wouldn't you actually MURDER the child!!! Baaahahahahahahaha

Thank You!!

Oh I feel so loved! I've spent most of the afternoon uploading photos to my deviantart and I was screaming all the meanwhile!

They included the ones posted yesterday along with a few others and every time I reloaded the fucking page, there were messages in my inbox telling me of updates. People haven't stopped favouring my stuff since I started! My views for my gallery have increased by a hundred today alone!! I can't believe it!

I'm so happy!! :D I better get off my ass and buy a camera and do something, I'm being wasted people! hahaha

Here's the gallery! http://forever-green.deviantart.com/gallery/